What those phrases REALLY mean...
[this has been around for awhile, one of my students sent it to me recently, so I decided to share...]
Useful Research Phrases and What They Really Mean
"It has long been
known" . . .
[I didn't look up the original reference.]
"A definite trend
is evident" . . .
[These data are practically meaningless.]
"Of great
theoretical and practical importance" . . .
[Interesting to me.]
"While it has not
been possible to provide definite answers to these questions" . . .
[An unsuccessful experiment but I still have to get it published.]
"Three of the
samples were chosen for detailed study" . . .
[The results of the others didn't make any sense.]
"Typical results
are shown" . . .
[The best results are shown.]
"These results
will be shown in a subsequent report" . . .
[I might get around to this sometime if I'm pushed.]
"The most
reliable results are those obtained by Jones" . . .
[He was my graduate assistant.]
"It is believed
that" . . .
[I think]
"It is generally
believed that" . . .
[A couple of other guys think so, too.]
"It is clear that
much additional work will be required before a complete understanding occurs" .
. .
[I don't understand it.]
"Correct within
an order of magnitude" . . .
[Wrong]
"It is hoped that
this study will stimulate further investigations in this field" . . .
[This is a lousy paper, but so are all the others on this miserable topic.]
"Thanks are due
to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to George Frink for valuable
assistance" . . .
[Blotz did the work and Frink explained to me what it meant.]
"A careful
analysis of obtainable data" . . .
[Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.]
"It is clear that
much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this
phenomenon occurs"...
[I don't understand it.]
"After additional
study by my colleagues"...
[ They don't understand it either.]
"It is hoped that
this study will stimulate further investigation in this field"...
[I quit.]
Why God never received a PhD
1. He had only
one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his
tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
17. No record of working well with colleagues.
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