First, find a bunch of campin' buddies. These will do nicely!

 Next, have as many tubes of ground meat as you can afford (or in this case, ground fat!)

 Brown the ground beef/fat in a skillet on a campstove.

 While the meat is cooking, get some other of the other folks to heat up as many cans of tomato sauce as you can stand to open with a hunting knife. Also, add a small can of tomato paste to help thicken things up a bit.

 This next step is where you add all of the secret ingredients. But be careful don't let anyone know what goes in the Machette Chili or they might be a little scared to try it.
Some of our secret ingredients include: various beverages, Coffee grounds, assorted capsicin-bearing chile peppers, and a few small rocks (we are geologists after all!)

 The final secret ingredient isn't really a secret...Tobasco Sauce, gotta have Tobasco.

The chili must be stirred the entire time using only a machette (This how it gets its name of coarse. If you don't have a machette, forget it, it just won't taste the same.)

 Heat the entire concoction over a campfire until boiling while stirring with the machette. Then, dig-in and enjoy. Everyone will love it. Just be careful to bite softly incase you get one of the rocks, they can do some damage!!
(Oh, and don't bother to clean the pan, just throw it away...that stuff just won't come off!)